Muck It Up
I’m laying in bed at 10pm for the first time on my birthday since I was in my teens at least. I’m waking up bright and early to pick up some coworkers and drive to Vallejo, CA to “run” in the MS Muckfest at 9am.
My company, RockIT Recruiting, is joining me for the 5k and jumps through mud. I am scared that I’ll hurt myself, and that I’ll disappoint myself. I didn’t train nearly enough, and I’m not in running shape. The doctor said to be careful when I’m running and to probably not do it too much, but I’ll be fine. I wanted to buy a bike and join a gym when I got back to California, but that just didn’t happen.
I regret that I didn’t keep going balls to the wall with my health, but I’m not feeling too bad about it. I have had a great time being back here. I love my friends, I love my job, and I love my life. I usually try to respond to all of the birthday messages I receive, and I will when I have time. But, today I literally got too many messages to count.
I am excited to do something that is going to be hard for me tomorrow, and I’m happy that I’ll be surrounded by the great people I work with every day. There’s not many people who can wake up, go to work, and be excited to be surrounded by literally all of their co-workers every day. I know it’s rare and I don’t take it for granted. I don’t know how I can possibly thank them all tomorrow for waking up at 7am to dive in mud puddles and run with me to support MS.
So, here I am. I haven’t written much on here in a while, and being honest, I’ve tried. Nothing has come to me. Nothing feels worthy to take up any of the people’s time that read it.
At this point, I have to just be thankful for the people that care about me. Since I’m not going out on my birthday, I celebrated last night with some close friends and tomorrow I’ll be in North Beach with almost everyone I know out here for Fleet Week after my race. But, I’m just happy. It’s hard to believe that I have this many friends from my less than two years out here, and that so many people from my past still care.
For my birthday I’m going to buy myself that bike next week or the week after. I’m going to stick to my mantra from before, and keep trying new things, and keep trying to live more in the now than I have. I am going to stop feeling guilty for everything and start experiencing more. I’m going to keep going for what I want in life and stop worrying about how I get there.
I’m going to get back to writing on here a little more, and I’m going to keep reading and exercising (things I didn’t do for the last 3-5 years).
Just this weekend I’m going to get to run in the Muckfest, watch an air show from one of the best views in SF, tour aircraft carriers and ships, and just be in San Francisco. There’s so much opportunity for me to do great things out here, and there’s so much excitement around me, and I’m just going to grab it.
Around 2 years ago, I was moving home to Lambertville, to live at home and save money to move somewhere cool. I just had my first neurologist tell me that I probably had MS, and I was starting additional testing at UPenn. I remember having dinner with my family for my birthday and going to a
Yankees game with the ex at Camden Yard, in Baltimore. I was getting my resume together and I was starting to apply to new companies.
If you asked me what the next two years would entail, I couldn’t possibly think of a scenario where I would be where I am now. I wish some things had gone differently, and I wish I had a smoother ride to get here, but I can’t possibly thing about how I would change any of it.
Tomorrow I’ll try not to die diving through mud puddles, it will be cold, tiring, and I will probably wish I was more prepared for this, but I am so happy I’m doing it.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me over the last few months, thank you to everyone who is in my life out here, and was in my life in Lambertville, State College, and Philadelphia, thank you to everyone that read this blog. I may not be out partying tonight, but this may be the happiest birthday I can remember, I love you all.