Climbing Mountains

by mvw110

I wanted to write something to sum up my emotional weekend earlier.  For the first time since I started this blog, I haven’t been able to write.  I’m proud.  I’m feeling really really good about myself and my mission.  I’m feeling really really good about what my friends got together to achieve. 

I just don’t know how I feel about everything.  I have lost around 45 lbs since I started this journey.  I feel a lot better overall.  I made it through a weekend of celebrations without cigarettes. 

I know that I need to start to focus on the next mission.  I know that I need to keep the drive from Mt. Tam. 

I also realized something internally.  I’m upset about things in my life.  I’m scared about others.  But, for the first time ever, I’m happy while struggling with these things. 

I spent my whole weekend with great friends.  I honestly was happier than I can remember being on Sunday.  I woke up Monday to that same sick feeling.  I almost threw up today walking in to my MRI meeting.  This sounds bad, but as I said before, I’m not overwhelmed totally. 

I go to Las Vegas for Blackhat-Defcon after tomorrow, and i can focus on that.  I also need to get back to focusing on my life in a smaller scale.  Work, friends, exercise, and relationships.  That’s the focus.  

For the last 2 months I’ve been blessed to have understanding people around me, as I had to make so much about me.  

It’s time to keep the personal focus, but to expand outwardly.  I’ve heard from a bunch of people that this stuff has helped them.  That honestly touches me.  I want to extend that help outwardly. 

My number is 609-240-1465, and my email is 

if you’d like to chat, if you’re feeling bad.  If you’re just curious how I am, call or text. 

I plan on buckling down and focusing on my work and my health.  A little less dealing with my feelings.  A little less dealing with dating.  A little less dealing with the future. 

It’s time to get back to being me, while keeping all of my new found confidence, will power, and drive.  It’s time to apply that to other parts of my life. 

There’s nothing I can do for the next 24 days to deal with my prognosis.  That’s when I hear what the MRI looked like.  So we’ll spend those days getting through life.  I have had a lot of people ask me about what my MS means.  I will post after I get back from Vegas about what I know, and about what I can find out through my research. 

After climbling the mountain on Saturday, I was at the beach in Alameda on Sunday.  I felt like swimming.  I ended up in the Bay.  I was truly happy, with no worries.  I plan on being in that spot more often. 

Thank you for all of my friends and family who donated.  Thank you for the people that joined me on my journey.  Thank you for those that continue to listen to me.  I honestly, can’t thank you all enough… it’s impossible to say it as loudly as I want to.

Tomorrow, I am going to head over to the Northern California MS Society HQ in SF.  I will drop off a check for 2146 dollars. 

That’s an accomplishment, that’s something that makes me feel like I’m free in the bay.