Social Vanity

by mvw110

January 6, 2013 near Stockton, NJ

I’m convinced Russell Wilson is a qb from a football movie. He may be the easiest player to root for ever. Does the right thing gives 200% is a leader. Wow.

….. seriously?? Who in the hell cares?

I am a vain person at times.  I do like attention.  I do like hearing myself talk from time to time.  I used to like meeting new people and bouncing conversations off of everyone and learning as I went.  Somewhere along the line, I stopped listening as much.  I stopped engaging in conversations to learn and to connect, and started trying to win debates, and win over people.  I made my favorite part of life into a game, or something used to build up my self-confidence instead of better me as a person.

I’m pretty good at talking.  I feel that I’m pretty fantastic at meeting new people, and I’m great on first dates (cut to every girl that ever experienced it wondering what happened on date 2-10… or maybe not wondering at all), and I enjoy those conversations and getting to know new people.

The reason it gets worse later on, is that I have become self-centered to an extent that I’m not going to accept.  The same reason why I would drink when uncomfortable, drive to work every day, smoke cigarettes, and look for the overall easy way out, is what’s driven a ton of my social interactions.

This reason is instant gratification.   I feel like it’s a part of society that is growing in many of us.  We’re connected at a level that has never been possible.  We can get any information at any given time.  We can reach out and message anyone we know in like 20 different ways.  We carry computers in our pockets that are more powerful than anything we could have imagined 10 years ago.

These are all good things.  You’ll see hundreds of videos and even research decrying the lack of human intimacy in online conversations, but there are great things that come out of the spread of information.  Knowledge and freedom of that knowledge is the true power.  Say what you want about gun rights, but the real important thing to society is who controls how and when we are informed.    And all of this fast travelling information is definitely a good thing that gives power to the people.

Not going to get into that topic right now, but I have been struggling with the idea that technology has contributed to a bad part of myself….Instead of using the wealth of information to learn more, to grow as a person, I’ve used it to tell everyone how much fun I’m having on Facebook.  I’ve used it to waste time taking bullshit quizzes or to post Onion articles.   I’ve used it to brag and to act like I have friends if I’m left alone for 30 seconds in public.

Let’s take a look at some Matt Walker classics right now:

May 2nd, “You are wise Liz Lemon, like a genetically modified shark.”

Now, I love me some 30 Rock, and Tracy Morgan is hilarious.. but Tracy Morgan is hilarious, Matt Walker repeating Tracy Morgan is not….

April 20

“Best thing about vacationing in San Diego? Not having to leave California when it’s over. — at Virgin America Gate 25 Terminal 2 East.”

Soo….. this guy goes to SD for vacay?  He’s not leavin’ Cali though because he lives here!!!! Also, he flies Virgin because he’s a baller and wants everyone to know.  What a douche.

Matt Walker checked in at Karl Strauss Brewery & Restaurant on Foursquare.

April 16

What’s a zoo?”

Umm… so you like breweries?  So you’re in one now?  Cool dude.  Ahh I get it San Diego has a zoo and you didn’t go to it because you’re too cool for that.  300lb Italian guys aren’t hipsters, get over yourself.   What’s Foursquare?

March 13  Well, I want a pat on the back. 12 days no smoking. Never again.

That attention grabber didn’t work.  Smoked by March 17th, heavily, but do you know how many likes I got from this!!!

January 20

Day off, new whip. Drive up to check out bear republic and maybe a stop at lagunitas?

Don’t mind if I do

Well Matt Walker is living the goddamn life, and possibly is the coolest person to ever own a 2009 Acura and drink craft beers. You should’ve probably minded if I did.

Matt Walker
 at DeLorenzo’s Pizza

October 26, 2013 ·

Finally some good pizza. Actually, the best pizza

Really posting over pizza???  Actually, F that.  That post is post-worthy, and I want everyone to know I had enjoyed me some Delo’s, and for everyone in California to know they’ll never get something as good as this in a pizzeria.


Anyway, you get the idea.  These posts are useless.  They were all put online with a motive in the back of my mind, or at least to feed my subconscious.  I want my Facebook page to reflect who I want to be, who I want people to see me as.  I want to prove to everyone that I finally made it, and that I’m living the dream.  I want to impress any girl that I may have a shot with that’s a friend on Facebook.  I want to make sure ex’s know that I’m tearin’ it up!  (know (V) no: to believe something that may not be true).  I want to feel cool.  I’m 31 years old.  I’m not cool.  I don’t want to actually be cool.  I’m me, I embrace the fact that I’m not worried about being a douche-bag, and that I love to just have a good time.  Cool scares me, and is the antithesis to what I am.

I have a lot of stuff to be proud of, I have a lot of stuff to showcase.  But Facebook is hiding the parts of me that are probably the most worthy….  I’m grounded.  I get along with people and love meeting and learning about new people.  I love and used to cherish person to person interactions.  Now, I’ve caught myself checking Twitter at the bar because I’m afraid to talk to the person next to me when alone.  I’ve checked Facebook during dates with girls that I really liked.  I’ve forgotten the age old lesson one of my friends told me back in 2005 when he refused to let my friends look up an answer on his iPhone, “The day when the man that causes the biggest shit fit is right at the bar is NOT over!”

I’m sick of distractions and easy ways to get attention.  Today I deleted all of the apps on my phone that I don’t use for work, or for music.  I took off my auto-password on facebook and won’t look at it during work.  The only reason I’m keeping it at all is that I do like being able to stay in touch with friends, and I truly am starting to believe in what I’m doing for my MS.  I need this blog.  I need the videos, and the support I’ve gotten from each and every one of you has pushed me to do everything for the last month.

This was never about just getting more healthy for the MS.  It was always about living life the way I picture.  Finally being the person I want to be with no worries about how others think.  It was about doing things to help other people.

I don’t want to dilute my message (as a great friend pointed out today, and as I’ve felt for a few weeks now).  I don’t want to miss out on real life looking at a screen anymore.

If you really really need to know what IPA I think is great, which Arrested Development quote I’m thinking of, or what I think about Lebron’s latest move… call me.  I’ll gladly quote Anchorman, recite the lyrics to Triumph, or tell you about my next vacation.  I’ll await all 800 and some friends calling me tomorrow….

But, to the thanks of a ton of you, I’m sure, I will not be posting anything other than important stuff on Facebook.  I’m saying I’m ready to live life finally.  Let’s do it for real.

“You only live once, because.. JK, totally.