Tecfidera, Swordfish, Volleyball, and Mountains…

by mvw110

So I took my first dose of medicine for MS today.  For some reason, I sort of stared at the bottle for 10 minutes, like if I didn’t ingest the advanced medicine that will hopefully help me immensely, it somehow wouldn’t be real.  Like, there was a downside to starting the thing designed by brilliant scientists to help me live a normal life.  Like, I could just go back to where I was months ago, close my eyes, and live like a 22 year old again.

I don’t know why I have been able to accept that I have MS, but I can’t accept dealing with it.  I feel like I am.  I feel like since I yelled it out as loud as I can, I have been on the right road.   I am still not sure though.  It feels as if these actions have been the easy ones.  The immediate ones.   The emotional ones.

Up next comes work.  Quitting smoking and getting in shape are not going to be easy actions.  I have let my leg rule my thoughts for 9 months, and I found out in the last week that so much of the “pain” is in my head.  I ran across the street, and played volleyball with 22 year olds in Colorado.  Neither killed me.  I need to get a brace so that I can do more on the ankle, but the only thing holding me back from doing more is not a ligament, a bone, or a joint.  It’s either my head or my heart, and I have to just go at it.

Eating healthy shouldn’t be as hard in the Bay Area.  The only thing that will be hard to cut back on is carbs, as their is a plush amount of healthy food around here.  But mac and cheese?  Breakfast sandwiches?  Grilled F-ing cheese?  I’ll miss eating that as much as I do.

I haven’t totally learned what my diet should look like to best deal with MS.  All that I know is that I need to get sunlight, and vitamin D.  I will learn more in the coming weeks, I’m sure.  I have started to think about doing more research.  I need to do that.

I like cooking, I like the outdoors, and I like sports.  This shouldn’t be hard.  I want to push myself though.  I almost want it to be harder than I thought it would be, just for the achievement.

I set it up that I couldn’t just take everything easy, and that was totally the intended purpose.  I have lived long enough with some sense of hiding something.  I didn’t want anyone to not know, because I wanted to be held accountable for my actions.  I feel like I did that.

So, at this point, I have a weekend in Tahoe (I know I was just in Colorado, the West Coast is amazing).  Then, I am getting to work.  With all of my medical steps taken care of, at least until I go get my MRI in August, it’s time to start to work on two things, my health, and my mind.

I haven’t read as much about anything as I used to.  I haven’t exercised for real since I broke my ankle.  I actually look forward to both.  I want to enjoy nature around here, so hiking and other activities in the wild seem like a good way to go.

I want to go camping, I want to go kayaking, I want to go sailing.  I can do all 3 easily, and will.

Taking Tecidera could be my Red Pill, and I’m going to go see reality.  Driving through Colorado was beautiful.  Seeing the mountains and rivers was awe inspiring.  I don’t feel like I need to scale large mountains immediately, as I still want to take in the view.

I wanted to keep this updated, but with two vacations in a row, I’m sort of in a short break for the plan.  Next week it picks up and I feel ready.

Oh yeah, I baked swordfish for dinner, it was delicious.

– Matt